Wednesday, June 24, 2009

My Marriage Manifesto: Because Alliteration Works, but Marriage Currently Doesn't

Recently the state of California decided to uphold Proposition 8, the ban on same-sex marriage. I am a strong supporter of gay marriage but that is not what I want to discuss. I have realized after countless debates that this is an issue people don’t change their minds about, like abortion and euthanasia. Besides that there are plenty of articles out there that present excellent arguments in support of gay marriage so my opinions are superfluous. However, I did get into a discussion with someone about this issue and the “sanctity of marriage” came up. This is something that in my opinion is not debated enough so I think it deserves some attention.

Now some clarification:

1. I am not against marriage. I think plenty of marriages have worked and do work.

2. I am not the product of a broken marriage. My parents had a great marriage. My arguments are based on education and observation, not emotional fragility…so don’t go there.

So time to vent. People are against gay marriage because it would disturb the “sanctity of marriage.”

Oh I’m sorry, is marriage sacred?

Wives cheat on their husbands. Husbands beat or threaten to beat their wives. Wives lie to their husbands about their finances. Husbands look at pornography. And every day a husband and wife file for divorce. I don’t have to throw statistics at you because you’ve heard them all. They’re abysmal. What about this is sacred exactly?

You can imagine my frustration when I see individuals that treat marriage with such blatant disrespect when it is legally considered a PRIVILEGE and not a RIGHT. My heart goes out to the LGBT community that has to stand by and watch this horrible behavior, all the while being told that this is what “the sanctity of marriage” looks like. If that’s the case, they are probably better off.

Marriage is a spiritual contract and it needs to be treated as such. It should not be considered a religious obligation, a convenience, or a moral solution. Marriage is SUPPOSED to be a lifelong commitment based on unconditional love, trust, and respect…instead it has been turned into an as-long-as-I‘m-interested commitment based on insurance benefits, gift registries, and the “be fruitful and increase in number” verse. Our society’s obsession with instant gratification has made marriages disposable.

This is an all or nothing venture in my mind and once you make that choice you better be 100% behind it because the world is going to throw some crazy shit your way. If you don’t take responsibility for your commitment, don’t expect the rest of the world to take your commitment seriously. Comedians will continue to mock it, gold-diggers will continue to take advantage of it, and young people will continue to resent it.

And yes, the gay community will continue to fight for it.


  1. "Oh I'm sorry, is marriage sacred?"

    BURRRRN! it so true, and no one talks about's always overshadowed by "he can't marry him" and "she can't marry her". the sanctity of marriage has nearly been shot to hell.

  2. TOTALLY shot to hell. I think for people to have a worthwhile debate about marriage the concept of marriage has to be challenged. If people discussed it openly then worst case scenario they would at least be reminded what marriage is SUPPOSED to case scenario they will realize that the definition of marriage has been abused and be more open to the idea of redefining it to include all consenting couples, regardless of gender.