Somebody's Watching You: Can Movies Make Stalking Romantic?

It is always refreshing to watch a movie that, armed with a dedicated cast and miniscule budget, reinvents a genre. Marianna Palka’s directorial debut Good Dick is one such movie. The title is misleading because while it does include its fair share of adult content, the movie is most importantly an authentic and hopeful film that challenges all the predictable romantic comedy stereotypes.

The basic plot is this; a “man” (he is never named in the film) who works in a video rental store becomes interested in a troubled “woman” who comes in every day to rent erotic videos. He gets her address from the rental directory and begins an incredibly bizarre courtship, one that involves him attempting to win her affections while slowly becoming a permanent part of her life.

What makes this movie so fascinating is the dynamic between the lead characters, played by Marianna Palka and Jason Ritter (who are also a couple off-camera). Their interaction is both heartwarming and heartbreaking to watch. The “man” does everything he can to win the “woman’s” trust despite the fact that she continually ignores or rejects him. Most of the time she is blatantly abusive. The fact that he sticks around, living amidst a constant strain of belittling insults, borders on masochist (in one of the more comic moments of the film, Ritter's character ends a heated argument by nonchalantly stating, "I love you. This fight is over.").

Yet stick around he does. He visits her at her apartment, starts spending the night, and eventually moves in with her. At which point you have to ask yourself…when did stalking become an acceptable form of courtship? I then realized that some of my other favorite movies also involve stalking. The follow-you-home-and-watch-you-through-your-window kind of stalking. For example:

Bed of Roses. A florist sees a woman crying in her window and follows her to work the next morning. Surely he wants to strangle her and wear her skin as a coat….no, he just wants to show her his elaborate rooftop garden.

50 First Dates. A marine biologist falls in love with a woman who suffers from short-term memory loss so he memorizes her schedule and “accidentally” runs into her every day…because come on, is it really stalking if she can’t remember it?

Untamed Heart. A shy busboy follows a waitress home every night to make sure she makes it there safely. Oh yeah, and he also climbs into her room and watches her sleep…isn’t breaking and entering cute?

Apparently one person’s creepy is my adorable. Blind romanticism and willful suspension of disbelief only got me so far before I had a “WTF???” moment of enlightenment. In reality I am fairly certain these women would have reacted much less favorably than they did in these movies, responses ranging from concerned to terrified.

Now my friend says ‘it’s only stalking if you don’t like the guy.’ True, but I think this explanation is too simplistic and one that gives the concept of initial attraction way too much credit. The female characters in Good Dick and 50 First Dates certainly didn’t like the male characters initially but over time they became interested. Time that was entirely facilitated by stalking.

‘It’s only stalking if he’s not a nice guy’ may be more accurate? These guys are sweet, caring, and most importantly harmless. At times they may be shy or awkward but serial killers they are not. But I believe the romance of it all has more to do with the dedication of these particular male characters and what that says about their masculinity. When asked by Chris Wilkinson of Eye for Film whether Ritter’s character was justified in his actions, Palka responded:

“What makes his character a hero is that he is very consistent. He has a very quiet strength and a real patience, which is an interesting thing to include in an illustration of masculinity.”

The women in these films have some deeply rooted issues. Whether it’s a history of abuse or a physical brain disorder they have some understandable difficulties trusting people. The fact that these men end up stalking the object of their affection may seem over the top but it may also be the only way to prove to these women that they aren’t going anywhere. Actions speak louder than words, especially when 90% of the population is relationship ADD. These guys are real people who see other real people, people who are different but deserve to be loved, and they are patient enough to stick around and prove it to them.

Gentle, patient, dedicated, and consistent is a far cry from the traditional masculine image of powerful, confrontational, and charismatic. Some may read “gentle and patient” as “pushover” but that is not the case. These men are confident even if in some cases it is a subdued confidence. After all, you have to be confident to be a stalker don‘t you? What would be the point if you didn’t honestly believe that you were charming enough to win them over if you just hang around them long enough?

This form of courtship is not a new concept. Chivalry, still frequently referenced as the model for polite male behavior, was built around unhealthy and unrealistic obsessions. A chivalrous knight defined his masculinity by dedicating his entire existence to a worthy lady of status. This poor man would write sonnets, fight battles, and possibly even die defending the honor of some woman that in all likelihood he would never even meet. This level of dedication seems unnecessary. If I am going to die defending the honor of a man he better buy me dinner first.

Stalking is also unnecessary and certainly not the romantic standard I would hold someone to, but I wouldn’t mind seeing that level of dedication and patience more often. Just remember, its all fun and games until someone gets a restraining order.

Read the entire Eye for Film interview with Marianna Palka and Jason Ritter here.

Chauvinist Musicals: Why Are Those Seven Brothers So Irresistible?

When I get sad I like to watch old musicals. Cheaper than Prozac and ten times more entertaining. The scripts are corny, the dance numbers are meticulously choreographed and the costumes look like they were designed by color-blind drag queens. Fun for the whole family. Some of my favorites include Guys and Dolls, The Pajama Game, Calamity Jane, and Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

All feature a strong female lead that doesn’t take crap from anybody. Good thing too because a lot of crap gets thrown at her…from none other than their lead male counterpart and potential love interest of course.

Check out some of these winning lines:

“The dolls were agreeable with nice teeth and no last names” -Sky Masterson, Guys and Dolls
“If a guy did not have a doll, who would holler at him?” -Nathan Detroit, Guys and Dolls
“Why don't you ever fix your hair?” -Bill Hickok, Calamity Jane
“What do I need manners for? I already got me a wife.” -Adam Pontipee, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

On the evolutionary ladder these guys are one rung up from Fred Flintstone when it comes to respecting women.

These musicals were released in the 50’s which was not a decade known for its emphasis on female empowerment. Just like any art form these movies should be viewed with consideration for their context. I accept these male characters with a grain of salt because I’m fully aware that is how men spoke about women during that time period.

While this is true, and while I know that nobody takes these movies too seriously, I still couldn’t reconcile the fact that despite their blatant chauvinism I found these characters not just tolerable…but also incredibly charming.

After a recent re-watching of one of these favorites I think I figured out why.

The dancing certainly doesn’t hurt. I can’t be trusted on a flight of stairs when I’m sober but these men are leaping through the air, somersaulting through drainage systems and balancing on spinning logs. That level of coordination is pretty impressive.

However my major epiphany came when I noticed that the men in these movies are not good at verbalizing how they feel, either because they don’t know how or because they are terribly out of practice. They represent the stereotypical mid-century man’s man who refuses to acknowledge he is even capable of emotional depth…when suddenly, about 48 minutes into the movie, he falls madly in love to the point where he can’t bare it any longer. So what’s a guy to do when he doesn’t have the words? Burst into song of course.

When his love is so strong words alone can’t express it, it is only through the magic of a choreographed musical number that he can adequately do his feelings justice.

Ladies, some of us pass out from delight when a guy declares his love in a text message. I think this is a step up.

And on the charming scale it’s an adorable 10/10. Or maybe I am just a sucker for baritones, but even so, don’t forget that after all the catty remarks and insulting banter runs out the male lead is still succumbing to a love he denied was even possible. AND he wants to sing about it.

A man who is willing to admit he was kind of clueless? That, to me, is pretty darn charming.

Mind, Heart, and Guts of Her Own: Why The Wizard of Oz is the Citizen Kane of Children's Movies

I don’t remember the first time I saw The Wizard of Oz, but I distinctly recall when I was about 12 years old and watched it every day for a week. I also remember that going to the Museum of American History in Washington DC. and seeing Dorothy’s ruby slippers was like being in the presence of the Hope Diamond. It was that cool.

Since its release the movie has inspired countless remakes including The Wiz, Return to Oz (to date the creepiest “children’s movie” I have ever seen…I still argue with my mother about why in the world she let me watch this nightmare masquerading as whimsical cinema) and the book/musical franchise Wicked. The story obviously resonates with a lot of people, both young and old. What is it about Dorothy’s adventures that entertain us so much?

It may be because it is still the only widely-viewed children’s movie ever made with an honest-to-goodness female heroine. I am talking about a real heroine; not one who relies on a prince to save her and/or marry her. Even in Mulan, a movie that prided itself on having a spirited female warrior as its lead, that same spirited female inevitably marries the well-meaning general at the movie‘s conclusion. Something tells me she’ll have to be a little less spirited from now on.

Dorothy's character is revolutionary because she breaks this mold. As Susan J. Douglas says in Where the Girls Are, “Finally, here’s a girl who has an adventure and doesn’t get married in the end…Throughout the movie, Dorothy is caring, thoughtful, nurturing, and empathetic, but she’s also adventuresome, determined, and courageous.”

Dorothy gets dumped in a strange land, befriends some freaky outcasts, then teaches them all self-worth while defeating a wicked witch in the process. Not an easy task, and no man or wizard to save her; in fact, my favorite part of the movie is when she finds out the wizard is a fraud and gives him a good talking to. In hindsight I realize this is a scenario that women have to grow pretty accustomed to (ex. after 8 months of dating you pull back the curtain to find out he’s married). As both children and adults we admire Dorothy for her gumption. She saves her male companions multiple times and in the end returns home minus a man. How shockingly original.

Other children’s movies with a female lead send the message that to truly prevail you have to marry the macho prince you barely know (Disney is a big offender here). Great message to present to young girls who are dreaming of growing up to be doctors, teachers, and artists. Oh yes, that’s fine Sally…just make sure you marry an MBA first. I love a happy ending as much as anybody, but where is the happy ending that doesn’t include a man “saving” the girl from a little more time as a single woman? A little variety wouldn’t hurt anyone.

Not to mention these are children which is why Douglas emphasizes the fact that Dorothy is a GIRL. Most of the Disney princesses are 15-16. I bet a lot of fathers would not let their 15 year-old daughter run away with the prince no matter how charming he was. Romantic love is hard enough, do we really need to stuff the idea of its all-encompassing importance down girls’ throats at such a young age? Kids should just be kids for a little while. I would rather encourage my daughter to dream about living an exciting life vs. dreaming about how a man can make her life exciting.

We need more movies made for children that depict a brave female that respects and is mutually respected by the other characters, both male and female. This happens all the time with male leads. Where is the female version of Harry Potter?

In the meantime I will take comfort in the fact that no matter how many princess movies Disney churns out, Dorothy will forever be taking names in the land of Oz.

Suggested Reading: Where the Girls Are by Susan J. Douglas
Targeted at an older audience but still an excellent examination of how mass media influences female identity.