I used to get upset with women that used Halloween as an excuse to wear something that amounts to being naked and get away with it. However this year I dressed up as a Freudian Slip for Halloween, so admittedly, wearing lingerie to a crowded costume party gave me some insight. I am not the skinniest or prettiest girl but wearing that costume made me feel good, made me feel sexy, and made me feel reasonably sure that I made my ex swallow his tongue.
Shameless maybe but desperate times called for desperate measures. It made me think that maybe I should go easy on the Dirty Dorothys and Slutty Schoolteachers. Halloween is all about letting loose and being someone we’re not for one night only. As women who are constantly objectified in our daily lives, isn’t it liberating to openly express a sexualized self on a night where EVERYONE is being objectified?
Dan Savage had some interesting things to say about this "sluttly costume" genre in an article he wrote for The Stranger. Check out his thoughts on the subject here.
Showing posts with label image. Show all posts
Showing posts with label image. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Can I Interest You In Some Sarcasm? Using My Attitude With Less Abandon
Lately I have been ending a lot of conversations with the disclaimer that, “I swear I'm not a bitter man-hater or anything...” This will be after an hour long diatribe that verbally castrated the entire male gender for some type of obviously moronic behavior that for some asinine reason they have refused to acknowledge or make any effort to remedy. It is all well and good to say I am not a man-hater but the case is destroyed when all evidence clearly points to the contrary.
I really don’t want to be that girl.
It upsets me that somehow, without my knowledge, I may have become that girl. That at some point this attitude infiltrated my everyday conversation and became uncontrollable, making it virtually impossible for me to say anything about a guy that doesn’t drip with sarcasm and condescension.
It feels like I am engaged in an epic battle of wills; demure, optimistic, romantic me vs. raging bitch me.
This point was driven home (like a knife through the heart) when a male acquaintance hit me with the following: “You know, when a woman hates the fact she is single it is incredibly unattractive. Her dissatisfaction floods out her eyeballs.”
Floods. Out. Her. Eyeballs.
Lock your doors. Take cover. Protect the children. There is a psychotic woman with single ladies syndrome FLOODING OUT HER EYEBALLS on the loose.
I enjoy being single but that isn’t the point. That isn’t what hurt me so much about this statement. What hurt me is that I was obviously being enough of a bitch that this guy had to resort to the oldest trick in the book, the “she’s angry because she is single” cliché. It’s the man’s go-to comeback and I have heard it so many times it doesn‘t even phase me anymore.
Well I thought I had moved past these meager defenses. I thought that I had learned how to have civilized conversations with men that didn’t have to end in boy vs. girl mudslinging. It’s like when you were a kid and you said, “I hate you,” and the person responds, “I hate you times ten…” finally ending with, “I hate you infinity!”
“She’s just angry because she’s single,” is the man’s version of “I hate you infinity.”
When it gets to this point nothing I say matters anymore. I might as well be talking to a wall, which is no big deal because my diatribes are not for anyone else’s benefit nor or they meant to impress anybody (clearly, as I am sure there isn’t a self-help relationship guide called “How to Attract the Perfect Guy by Outright Insulting His Gender"). Most of the time I don’t even think before speaking…we all just need to vent once in a while.
But my anger is a righteous anger and that is why these comments will fly out of my mouth with or without my meaning them too. To stop expressing these opinions would be betraying my sense of social justice. It would be betraying the moral model that dictates how I want to live my life.
I also think that on an unconscious level I say these things in front of my male peers so they can learn a thing or two from a female perspective. See firsthand how fed up women are with the current state of things. I know when my male friends have talked about the controlling, back-stabbing, non-appreciative women they have encountered they strike the fear of God into me.
Because I don’t want to be that girl either.
That being said, my moral model DOESN’T need a side of sarcasm. Because if I don’t start curbing my attitude, how is anyone going to take me seriously? Because if I have to resort to angry soapbox speeches to make my point, what does that say about my credibility?
I hang out with some amazing, stand-up gentlemen who are doing their best to navigate a difficult social landscape. I hope that I can temper my attitude enough so that when I express my opinions, I can paint them a credible picture of what the not-so-stand-up gentlemen look like.
Because thank God, I know they don’t want to be that guy.
I really don’t want to be that girl.
It upsets me that somehow, without my knowledge, I may have become that girl. That at some point this attitude infiltrated my everyday conversation and became uncontrollable, making it virtually impossible for me to say anything about a guy that doesn’t drip with sarcasm and condescension.
It feels like I am engaged in an epic battle of wills; demure, optimistic, romantic me vs. raging bitch me.
This point was driven home (like a knife through the heart) when a male acquaintance hit me with the following: “You know, when a woman hates the fact she is single it is incredibly unattractive. Her dissatisfaction floods out her eyeballs.”
Floods. Out. Her. Eyeballs.
Lock your doors. Take cover. Protect the children. There is a psychotic woman with single ladies syndrome FLOODING OUT HER EYEBALLS on the loose.
I enjoy being single but that isn’t the point. That isn’t what hurt me so much about this statement. What hurt me is that I was obviously being enough of a bitch that this guy had to resort to the oldest trick in the book, the “she’s angry because she is single” cliché. It’s the man’s go-to comeback and I have heard it so many times it doesn‘t even phase me anymore.
Well I thought I had moved past these meager defenses. I thought that I had learned how to have civilized conversations with men that didn’t have to end in boy vs. girl mudslinging. It’s like when you were a kid and you said, “I hate you,” and the person responds, “I hate you times ten…” finally ending with, “I hate you infinity!”
“She’s just angry because she’s single,” is the man’s version of “I hate you infinity.”
When it gets to this point nothing I say matters anymore. I might as well be talking to a wall, which is no big deal because my diatribes are not for anyone else’s benefit nor or they meant to impress anybody (clearly, as I am sure there isn’t a self-help relationship guide called “How to Attract the Perfect Guy by Outright Insulting His Gender"). Most of the time I don’t even think before speaking…we all just need to vent once in a while.
But my anger is a righteous anger and that is why these comments will fly out of my mouth with or without my meaning them too. To stop expressing these opinions would be betraying my sense of social justice. It would be betraying the moral model that dictates how I want to live my life.
I also think that on an unconscious level I say these things in front of my male peers so they can learn a thing or two from a female perspective. See firsthand how fed up women are with the current state of things. I know when my male friends have talked about the controlling, back-stabbing, non-appreciative women they have encountered they strike the fear of God into me.
Because I don’t want to be that girl either.
That being said, my moral model DOESN’T need a side of sarcasm. Because if I don’t start curbing my attitude, how is anyone going to take me seriously? Because if I have to resort to angry soapbox speeches to make my point, what does that say about my credibility?
I hang out with some amazing, stand-up gentlemen who are doing their best to navigate a difficult social landscape. I hope that I can temper my attitude enough so that when I express my opinions, I can paint them a credible picture of what the not-so-stand-up gentlemen look like.
Because thank God, I know they don’t want to be that guy.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Dress for Success: Would It Kill Us to Cover Up a Little?
My friend recently shared with me a Mark Driscoll video concerning a married woman who dresses immodestly. I don’t love the idea of a husband trying to control how his wife dresses but I feel like the situation shouldn’t even have gotten to that point. Women should know better. If a woman doesn’t, if dressing that way makes her feel good, that man should understand from the get-go what kind of woman he is committing to.
Personally I don’t like it when women wear revealing clothing (the kind of revealing that borders on ridiculous). I have to stop myself from telling them their village called because their skank is missing. They think it’s empowering, I think it’s distracting. Men are ADD ladies; they can’t pay attention to the words coming out of your mouth if your boobs are falling out of your dress.
But is this fair though? Feminism is about women having choices where once we didn’t. An outfit that used to get us arrested for indecent exposure will now get us in a Flo Rida video. I am not sure that is what the suffragettes had in mind but we’ll take it.
However, just because we CAN doesn’t mean we SHOULD.
Modesty is a volatile subject in feminist circles because feminists often think of modesty in religious or historical terms only. What if we consider it in contextual terms? People make decisions based on their current cultural climate and unfortunately our generation is very good at depersonalizing the personal. They will form opinions based on what we SEE when there’s nothing else to go on. So when we visually leave nothing to the imagination in essence we are saying there is nothing more to us. It isn’t any wonder female objectification is such a problem when you now possess the intellectual depth of a hammer in a man’s eyes.
I’m not saying women who dress this way are stupid, but don’t be surprised if men jump to this conclusion if it appears women are putting all their energy into showcasing their value externally. They probably figure there isn’t enough energy leftover to read a book or form an opinion.
The feminists argue it isn’t about making the men happy but 49% of the population is male. We can’t ignore their perspective if we want to be taken seriously on a global scale. I really don’t want our third-wave feminist zeitgeist to be “we dress like porn stars and that makes us powerful and successful.” No, that makes us unoriginal. It requires a lot more creativity to wear more clothing and still look fabulous.
Women used to wear more clothing because they were taught to feel ashamed of their bodies. Now women feel they are showing how unashamed they are by taking it all off. This is not the only way to show pride in what God gave you, and in my opinion it is certainly not the best way. If you respect your body shouldn’t you only want to share it with those who have proven themselves worthy of the privilege? It’s not about shame, it’s about value.
If you still need a reason to not leave half your outfit at home just think about all the wardrobe malfunctions that result from less coverage. It’s exhausting having to monitor your clothing at all times to make sure everything is where it should be. Trust me, it isn’t worth the energy.
Please, think of the children and don’t be a free show. We are so much more than that.
Suggested Reading:
A Return to Modesty by Wendy Shalit
Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture by Ariel Levy
Personally I don’t like it when women wear revealing clothing (the kind of revealing that borders on ridiculous). I have to stop myself from telling them their village called because their skank is missing. They think it’s empowering, I think it’s distracting. Men are ADD ladies; they can’t pay attention to the words coming out of your mouth if your boobs are falling out of your dress.
But is this fair though? Feminism is about women having choices where once we didn’t. An outfit that used to get us arrested for indecent exposure will now get us in a Flo Rida video. I am not sure that is what the suffragettes had in mind but we’ll take it.
However, just because we CAN doesn’t mean we SHOULD.
Modesty is a volatile subject in feminist circles because feminists often think of modesty in religious or historical terms only. What if we consider it in contextual terms? People make decisions based on their current cultural climate and unfortunately our generation is very good at depersonalizing the personal. They will form opinions based on what we SEE when there’s nothing else to go on. So when we visually leave nothing to the imagination in essence we are saying there is nothing more to us. It isn’t any wonder female objectification is such a problem when you now possess the intellectual depth of a hammer in a man’s eyes.
I’m not saying women who dress this way are stupid, but don’t be surprised if men jump to this conclusion if it appears women are putting all their energy into showcasing their value externally. They probably figure there isn’t enough energy leftover to read a book or form an opinion.
The feminists argue it isn’t about making the men happy but 49% of the population is male. We can’t ignore their perspective if we want to be taken seriously on a global scale. I really don’t want our third-wave feminist zeitgeist to be “we dress like porn stars and that makes us powerful and successful.” No, that makes us unoriginal. It requires a lot more creativity to wear more clothing and still look fabulous.
Women used to wear more clothing because they were taught to feel ashamed of their bodies. Now women feel they are showing how unashamed they are by taking it all off. This is not the only way to show pride in what God gave you, and in my opinion it is certainly not the best way. If you respect your body shouldn’t you only want to share it with those who have proven themselves worthy of the privilege? It’s not about shame, it’s about value.
If you still need a reason to not leave half your outfit at home just think about all the wardrobe malfunctions that result from less coverage. It’s exhausting having to monitor your clothing at all times to make sure everything is where it should be. Trust me, it isn’t worth the energy.
Please, think of the children and don’t be a free show. We are so much more than that.
Suggested Reading:
A Return to Modesty by Wendy Shalit
Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture by Ariel Levy
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